For some time now my mum is helping her niece to get back on track with her life. Poor girl lost her way somewhere along childhood without a mother and later reconnecting with the crazy parent. Once my mum called me completely annoyed and destroyed by what the ‘mother of the year’, let’s call her Ellen, told her daughter Maggie.
But first you need to understand the background story from the past many years to fully comprehend how fucked up the situation is. Maggie lived with her father, who started a new family with another woman. Ellen was one of these mums who try way to much to be friends with her kids rather than a mother. She not only skillfully managed to embarrass her children in front of less or more significant others, but also frame their minds in a way that it is completely fine to lie and pretend. Maggie got pregnant at the age of seventeen. I am not trying to defend her here or anything like that, I truly think that it was Maggie’s and her boyfriend’s fault completely.
I guess all of you had “The Talk” with your mum or dad at some point during your teen years right? I remember mine like it was yesterday. I was lucky enough that my mum was not only an amazing, skilled nurse, but also one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. She carefully explained to me everything about pills; how they work, how to be consistent with taking them the same time every day, how they could affect me, etc. So, when I actually went to see a doctor I knew almost everything and was able to make a decision about my body. At the end of the day, no one else could decide what to do with my body but me right?
As far as I remember I tried to talk to Maggie about sexual safety as well. As soon as I met her boyfriend a little control light came on in my head and I knew I had to talk to her. I thought, because all of our lives she kind of admired me and followed my steps, I would be able to convince her to take care of herself.
‘I’m not going to gynecologist!’ she exclaimed as soon as she understood what I was trying to say. Asked why not, she couldn’t give me a good explanation except a vague excuse, almost whispering ‘he can’t have children’. I didn’t want to believe her, because anyone could tell you they can’t have children, but really, he wouldn’t know unless he tried for one and went to a doctor to check his swimmers, right?
Maggie didn’t want to listen to my argument that he might have said that because he didn’t want to use protection. Trying to threaten her with HIV and other sicknesses didn’t work either, so I just left it thinking that at the end of it all she’ll regret her choices. Especially since her boyfriend was a total asshole and knew from the first moment I met him that I don’t like him one bit. Well, would you like someone who treats your every word as wrong and corrects you all the time thinking he’s the smartest guy on the planet?
So, I went back home to London, (at the time I was visiting Poland) and it wasn’t even a year since my mum called me announcing that Maggie got ‘knocked up’. Was I even surprised? At first, I remembered thinking that I would actually be the first one to have children on this side of the family, a lot later than that…
Of course, my dear reader, I can hear your thoughts now suspecting Maggie’s parents didn’t help her right? Oh, you’re so right. Well, her father offered her to stay living with him until childbirth and then they would sort something out. The mother didn’t bother at all. The amazing boyfriend and his father took Maggie to their hometown 300 miles away from her family.
Right now Maggie lives over in England at my mum’s house trying to sort her life out. Flying over to Poland all the time to court fighting for her good name and her daughter. Over the years of demeaning her, calling her names, sending her to psychiatrists and fighting in court trying to get her rid of her rights to her three year old daughter Maggie fights to get back to normality. And she does get better over here…
And then her amazing mother tells her to get back with her favourite son-in-law (probably because both are fucking crazy). And to top all that she tells her;
You have to impress a man to make him stay by your side.
When I heard this I thought I’m going to get a fit of hysterical laughter. How could a mother tell her daughter to get back to someone who was bullying her all the time? How could a mother tell her daughter that she has to impress a man to get him? Call me old fashioned, but
- It’s the other way round,
- Men actually like a challenge so when you put yourself out there on a plate ready to be consumed by the man, that is all that would ever happen: ‘consume’ and leave, because what man would stay with a woman that throws herself onto him? He’ll think what’s there to stop her doing it with every man she meets – therefore, it automatically means there is nothing interesting about that girl.
- Since when pretending and trying to impress someone, just so they like you, works out? Lies will have to end one day, what’s left then?
- I guess a question of how come her mother never has a proper relationship with anyone is answered now. Throw yourself like a meat to him and he’ll eat it all leaving the bones for the dog.
I hope no girls out there in the world follow stupid ‘impress him’ rules. Men are like us, they really do want a good relationship and maybe a wife and kids one day, but throw yourself at him asking to marry you and he’ll run as far as possible. Be yourself, be interesting, nurture your hobbies, do what you love to do, and a man will love you for who you are… Isn’t that right?