What if… I’d never change my life

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Childhood Revisited.”

What if… I changed my whole life, and missed the one now?

If I had a time travel machine, or were able to change the past by the use of some magical ‘thing’, I probably wouldn’t do that anyway fearing my future, or rather my present would change drastically.

If I didn’t feel bad about myself that other children in my family were getting a lot more presents for Christmas than I did it would only mean my parents didn’t have so many financial problems. If they were earning enough to buy me presents and anything else they needed or wanted would that mean my mum wasn’t working three jobs? She only did this to meet the ends before the next loan payments were due. I could have spent a lot more time with her then, but…

What if changing this would never bring me to the place I am now?

We probably would have never left the country. I wouldn’t go to college in England, which means I wouldn’t be able to study subjects that I really enjoyed. I wouldn’t accomplish my dream of living and studying in London. I would never work in the monster pub, and if I never worked there I would never meet the love of my life. Would I be happier now if my childhood was any better? Or would I be a spoiled brat if my parents were wealthy?

Maybe if I had any siblings and watched my mum’s belly growing bigger and bigger I would enjoy my childhood a bit more, or got more confident after many fights with the hated but so much loved brother or a sister. Maybe if I had a sibling back then my parents wouldn’t get divorced when I was nineteen. Or would I have to watch my parents grow old and unhappy in a relationship they could never end because of many children? Would my mum be unhappy then; would my dad do some stupid things?

What if changing a single little thing from my childhood like not buying that winning ice cream would decide on my dad’s little daughter’s birth? Having a year old sister now does affect me and it doesn’t at the same time. But who am I to decide if she deserved to come to this world or not? Would I be able to live with the knowledge, that if I changed something from the past right now, my family and close friends would be unhappy? Guessing that I would make the right choice of changing something for the better wouldn’t I miss the life I have now? Well… don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot I wish I had or accomplished, but I find this little life somewhat almost perfect.

I wouldn’t change a thing, probably because of fear of losing something or gaining too much that my brain would explode with selfish egoistic monster hiding somewhere within me. When I have my own children one day I’ll do my best to give them everything they need and raise them to be good people. And I would never wish for my children wanted a different life… I would do everything in my power to give them the best childhood ever, and I know my mum did as well.