Worried sick!

 Read At your own risk

I actually planned to write a light-hearted, motivational, happy post telling the world to go out there and show them all what you’re made of. Unfortunately, my hide-in-my-room, close-up the curtains and shelter-under-a-blanket mood doesn’t allow me to write anything worth a smile. I’m going to rant a bit then.

So… I’m sitting here with a pounding headache swearing  it should be raining today. I’d love some rain right now.

I’ve been fasting till twelve, then run all the way down the hill to see a nurse who was supposed to prick my arm with a needle and take away as much blood as she needed. On Wednesday, with a little bit of help from my mum (i.e. scaring me with possible consequences of backing out of this), I went to see my doctor. After a bit of a talk and examination I grasped it might be more serious than I assumed previously. The meeting ended up with the doctor booking me for three tests to a hospital and a request to do blood tests. We have to rule out the worst, unfortunately the worst isn’t just checking for diabetes.

After two weeks of finally being able to fall asleep without rolling in bed for hours and cursing everything in the world for keeping me awake, the past two nights got back to lying in bed wide awake rolling weird thoughts through my mind.

I remember my mum telling me that while she was in a medical school, when she was studying about different illnesses and conditions with her dad they both always felt like they’ve got precisely the illness studied at that moment. I bet every single person felt that way at least once. Well, I was stupid enough to do some research with the amazing uncle Google just to find out what I might be up against. Although there isn’t a lot matching up with my symptoms I’m already freaking out as if I was dying in the next 30 days.  From what I gathered some ‘possible conditions’ are mild and might not need any medical attention or just a round of antibiotics, others are exclaiming on the page with operations and complete lifestyle changes that I’m not ready to make.

So, I’m waiting. Unless it gets worse, I have to wait. Blood test results are back in a week. I’ll get a phone call if something seems wrong… Suddenly, my phone seems it’s staring at me as if it was about to ring any minute now. The hospital will send me a letter with my appointment date for the other tests the doctor prescribed. It might take a couple of weeks before it arrives, though two days of thinking about the possibilities what’s wrong with me seems like it’s going to drive me crazy before I actually get the tests done and get back to see the doctor.

I guess I worried myself sick because right now the page gets whiter and whiter, making my head pound with the worst headache I had for weeks. The truth is, I shouldn’t be writing this, but I don’t want to worry my boyfriend, who knows the minimum he should be aware of. The reason for that is… I once had a mild asthma attack that freaked him out to the point that I had to calm him down instead of the other way round. I don’t need anyone worrying sick like me right now…

In the worst case scenario my whole life will be different, I don’t know much how different it could get, because a young girl like me feels indestructible… Such illnesses are only heard about from someone in the family far away or from a friend of a friend… It doesn’t affect us in any direct way so we don’t really know much about it…

I’m rambling!

Ok… I got the most of my head so I guess I should stop moaning now. Little piece of advice – if you’re going to a doctor, testing for something or anything like that, steer clear of internet research for your symptoms. It will only make you feel worse!


2 thoughts on “Worried sick!

  1. luismgoncalves14 says:

    Well firstly I hope it turns out to be nothing. It is hard to deal with the unknown and if I were your boyfriend I’d like you to tell me, not necessarily your extensive research, but rather that you’re scared… maybe that’s just me but I’m sure he could help you feel better.
    Anyway.. all the best!


    • 20dreamgirl says:

      Thank you 😉 I am pretty sure that in reality my imagination is just showing off to me giving me all the crazy possibilities. It’s probably not as bad, but on the other hand these things happen… Yeah, I thought about it and decided that I would like to know if he was worried about something, so I’m going to talk to him tonight. Thanks for the thought 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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